D ear Spring Arbor University,
You can tell Valentine’s Day is almost here because everything that is the color pink or
includes chocolate is on sale at the dollar store. All over campus students are pairing off
as if the great flood is on its way. Some pairs look as if they were couples, but swear
they’re “just friends.” Honestly, it’s often hard to tell the difference between the two,
especially when the couple themselves aren’t sure of the definition of their relationship.
Many romantic relationships begin after a man and woman have met and started hanging
out. After spending more and more time together there may be a noticeable change from
friendship into something romantic. This change can be anything from holding hands to
a goodnight kiss and from a Facebook relationship status change to spending open hours
together consistently.
Because these changes look different to everyone, one person can think he or she is
entering into a relationship and while the other person thinks they have a new best friend.
If you think you might be one of these two people, you may need to have what we at the
Arbor call a “define the relationship talk” or a DTR.
A DTR is where two people discuss their mutual understanding of a relationship or
friendship. If you’re wondering if you need to have one, it’s probably past time you did!
Relationships can come out of, be ended after or be avoided through DTR’s. If you choose
to be “just friends,” it’s important to make it clear. (This sounds scary, but if you can kill a
chicken at Cedar Bend, you can tell someone how you feel about them.)
A word of warning: you can develop as many close friendships with members of the
opposite sex as you want if you you’re planning to live a life of celibacy. If you hope to
someday find “God’s will for your life” be careful with how much time you spend with your
friends of the opposite-gender. A significant other is someone who has a significantly
different relationship with you than your other friends. If you spend equal or more time with
a friend of the opposite sex as you do with your official Facebook-relationship-sharer (or as
much time as you would if you had one), it can be awkward for everyone.
Single or not, be intentional in developing friendships with the opposite sex and spend a
healthy amount of time together this semester. That way, come hell, high water or hot
sophomore from U-Hall or Muffitt, you won’t have to cut back on the time you spend with
friends in ways that hurt feelings or end friendships.
This Valentine season is the perfect opportunity for you to take a study break and have
a DTR with someone you care about (platonically or romantically). Go buy some cheap
chocolate from the dollar store and let them know how you feel. If the DTR goes well, share
the box. If it doesn’t, eat away your feelings!
Love,
Mable Greenwood
